semakin saya menyaksikan kematian, semakin saya tidak bisa melarikan diri dari pengakuan absurdnya hidup.
perlukah iman yang mendalam untuk kemudian diuji dengan mengambil orang yang paling disayangi?
it's true that the one who could hurt the most is sometimes the one we've given ours the most.
i never get it why God does this and that, hurts in this way and that way.

to my beloved cousin, Christian Victorianoes Soewita;
i might never understand your deep faith,
i might never understand the whole thoughts you ever shared,
i might never understand decisions you've made in your life,
starts from now on, i'm trying to understand how life with deep faith, as you had, should mean something.
i may blame God for this but i won't hurt you as you loved Him much.
i may think life is absurd but i won't hurt you as you believed every single thing happened for reason.
therefore i'll try to seek what things are meant for.

i don't know whether you hate people who cry or not, but i can't stop this tears. hope you don't get mad.
we're in the same age. we have almost similar memories. both of us have dreams. i still have mine and none of mine ever been realized yet. i wonder yours.
we're even in the same university. i imagined that we would wear the same toga in our graduation day on 2013.
but we're human, right? "God has plans" you said. and i'm trying to believe it.

our thoughts and prayers are with you.

love,
your beloved cousin.