being around encouraging people is totally relieving. like when you think they count much on you but you failed to achieve the highest goal; then they came to you then say, "at least, you learn something." while smiling sincerely.

simple thing; big impact.

i sometimes wonder why people
who are pretty close with me; like persons i'd love to get along with; seem don't get the point of my effort in achieving certain things. like when i have tried so much to reach something which they are not interested in, they just sayin' "oh well, i don't give a damn."

you've given so many things, or even sacrifice the other things, you've trying so hard, but no one seems to appreciate it.

seems like no one cares whether you could make it or not.

i feel like living in a separated world, lately.

well perhaps i should just point up that the reason why i try to reach something is not for their happiness. i also have my own goal to achieve. i was just too afraid of forcing people to appreciate what i'm trying to achieve could be such a selfish thing to do. i tried to make everyone happy. i try, i do. so i finally came up with a question whether i did something wrong or not in pursuing what i want to without firstly try to catch up the attempt to fulfill the others' happiness.

i told this anxiety to a lovely friend this noon right after my team failed breaking to the final round of The Hot English Competition; and he said something like "firstly, we should seek for our own happiness. after that, we would be able to look for and pursue the others'."

and i think it's such a very good point, proper words to be said in the right time, to right person.

then i read Sartre's quote: "if you're lonely when you're alone, you're in a bad company."

and i think it's pretty correct.

but i suddenly came up to another question, "if i'm lonely while being with certain people around, am i in a total lame company?"

geez. what the heck is in my mind?

oh, intermezzo.

do you know what the most awkward moment that could happen?

it's when you accidentally get drown into somebody's eyes when they're only about few centimeter in front of yours.

hypnotized by anyone's eyes is my weakness. yes, briliant thoughts can be seductive -as i usually say- but the memory of certain eyes sight last for times you don't expect. weird.