10 things.
11/17/2010 07:01:00 PMfinally have some minutes to write something. today's november 17, 2010 and many things happened in last 2 weeks, too much to explain and be written down here. but i wont write much, wont elaborate much, anyway.
1st thing : i'm now officially 19.
people were being so creative in wishing happy birthday (; thanks guys! and yes, i'm quite grateful for those lovely people around (: ily!
2nd : my team (consists of winardi and i) was breaking to semifinal of The Hot English Competition. bunches of lessons i got from the preliminary round on friday since i totally sucked in delivering speech. i should be more passionate in the semi-final round this friday. wish us luck!
3rd : participated in climate change debate competition yesterday (nov 16) but my teammate, je, and i didn't make it. "make it" here meant, we won't go to cancun, mexico, to be indonesian youth delegation in unfccc. it's fine. at least i learnt a lot (in debating, and understanding the global efforts in mitigating the climate change. alotsa knowledge to share & discuss with other KOPHI members.)
two best speakers who could go to cancun next november 26 are Nofal from UI and Elfa (if im not mistaken) from ITB. they deserve it. congrats, guys. fight for a better earth (:
oh, perhaps i should just share some of things here :
c. Debt for Nature Swaps and its implementation in Indonesia (in bahasa)
e. Carbon Marketing (in bahasa) ; you can find the english full-explanation from Wikipedia : Carbon Trading that will bring you to 3 things: Carbon Emission Trading, Personal Carbon trading, and Emission Trading.
f. or about Reduction of Emission from Deforestation and Forest Degradation (REDD) (in bahasa)
well, wikipedia will help much. IklimKarbon.com also will (articles are in bahasa indonesia).
oh, and, i also read some shocking facts from Environment.about.com.
happy reading (:
4th: i didnt pass the intercomp (an internal selection) to delegate Binus in Asian BP Debate Competition that will be held in Malaysia, November 26-28. well i could understand why i didnt make it: i didnt attend the intensive training (for some reasons) so then i sucked in the intercom. hah. i should practice more. i now get reason why i should make any significant improvement (wont tell here)
5th : i'm now in midterm-exams weeks . lotsa things to be done. but too lazy to even start any of those ashitments . dont really want to talk much about this since lately i feel like..mmm.. no longer enjoy of being part of this major. . . .
6th : i will be escorting 8 students from Singapore at November 21 and 24 as i'm being TFI (Teach For Indonesia) volunteer. wow. when door is closed, a window is opened. it surely will be such a fun and great experience to be escorting overseas students.
btw, TFI itself is a CSR program of my university, you could read more about it --> Teach For Indonesia official website.
and i can't wait for it!!!! yay!
7th : november is about to end. Christmas events will be started soon. means, more energy is needed. :D
idk if i could really be a good LO of those events : bazaar, bakti sosial, christmas celebration. but i should have bigger faith (as i realize that i start losing it) that things are going to be fine. mmm.. things are going to be great. being Koordinator Divisi Acara within this hectic time is tiring ):
8th : i think i try too much in making everyone happy but all things seemed ended up with dissatisfaction. you know, like.. you try too much, think too much, give too much, and you can't even decide which one is not as important as x-one; then.. dang! i disappoint everyone.
noticing that you've disappointed everyone (when you started doing things in purpose to make them happy) is not good at all. feel like you have burden that never finish.
haven't told this to any of my close friends. now i think everyone's having their own business so i should just not bother them with this personal assumption (i assume it's a personal assumption). the reason why i write it here is not because i believe no one will read it. i know somebody will read this, but i don't think there will be anyone who will really care enough about what i have been bearing.
nevermind. we all were born alone, and will die alone.
i should just get used to that lesson-of-being-alone thingy.
or perhaps it's just another existential anxiety? i dont know.
it aint comfortable to keep questioning things alone but at least it's much better than being hated silently by people you love just because you bother their times.
and when you're working on things for your own goals, you missed moments you could just have with people (which you need very much).
hah.
i remember how a friend reminded me, "you said you wanted to be an activist. you're on your way to get it. firstly, get used to feel all alone."
(':
9th : talking about existential anxiety; i feel more excited to learn philosophy and implement the theories in my life. you know what? i think reading any philosophical thingy helps me much in answering questions which used to be left unquestioned. philosophy is fun. and brilliant thoughts are seriously seductive. i heart thinkers!!!!
got amazing philosophical answers from two lecturers of mine about morality, responsibility, and also rights. they are all inspiring (:
10th : i start thinking that my life is such a paradox. oh hmm no it's not a proper sentence. i should just say that i am such a paradoxical person. spend some times to be along with me, and you'll find out why i could say so. several friends know it, but others don't seem to care. nevermind. i should try to get used to not matter others who never even matter me.
and during the climate change debate competition preparation, i realized my main personal problem: i'm such a distractible person. and that's a massive problem. grah. i need some things to stop it.
and since it's now about 7 pm (ive spent more than hour to just write this; darn, things distracted me too much), i should start writing papers to be submitted on Friday and .. (i forget, lol).
wish us luck for this Friday's debate competition! see ya! (:
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